i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
