I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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