so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
