I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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