FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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