I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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