I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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