Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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