I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
