i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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