You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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