"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
