Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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