all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
