she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
