You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my being single is dangerous.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
