I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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