Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
