i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
