Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
