First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
