i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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