the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
