White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
