Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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