I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
