Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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