Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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