i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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