walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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