i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
