Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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