WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
