She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
