bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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