Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
