I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
