hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
