Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
