So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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