8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
