I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
