Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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