Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
