He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just had sex bonerless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
