it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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