I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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