I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
