Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
