I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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