Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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