Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
