He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
