i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.