Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
