I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?