im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.