She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
