The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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