Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
