OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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