I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Will exercising make me less horny?
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