maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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