Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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