My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You are a genius and a whore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
