I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
