In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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