i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
