you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
