I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
