u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
