We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
