I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
