How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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