So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
