So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
