Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
