Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
