if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize