I cockslap morals
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
