I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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