he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
