there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
