my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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