Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
