erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well you can't waste a boner
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
