i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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